Last chapter..!!

I love writing this..!!^^b

It’s been a month since my foolish action.Aoi already accept the coat,from what I heard from Tahiko.I live my life normally.Go to the campus and do research,is what I usually do.I can’t listen to the gazette’s songs again.I will start cry again,so I can’t do it.Aiko didn’t ask much about it,and I don’t have intend to tell her too.I try to go on,but it’s so hard to do.I become accustome by his presence.My room was no longer fill with the scent of him.
But,in other way,it’s easy to forget him.Because I try to concentrate in my study.I attend class often,in spare time I study or doing research in library.My mind being filled with academic activites.Just one time,when I went home,the big screen at shibuya display the gazette’s concert.I straightly ran home,and cried again.
The school make me tired,but it’s better than tired cause by crying.
One day I attend the class with Riku.We finish the assignment sooner and she ask me to drink a coffee at cafetaria.
“The assignment was really hard,nee?I think I will get A- for that.”she said with a gloomy face.
I sip my cappuccino a bit and smile.”We still don’t know right?but,Tachibana-sensei is satisfied with our work.”
“You maybe right.”she said.We stay silent a bit.The weather is so cold today.Many students go to the cafetaria for a glass of coffee.
“I heard you got fight with Aoi-san.”she ask.There is a cautious tone in her voice,and she look at my face to check my expression.
I try to keep strong.”Where’d you hear that?”I ask.
“Uruha-san.”she said.
I almost spill my coffee.That will be so not nice if happen.I stare at her.
“We keep contact actually.He often called me or texting me.Last time he came to my house and deliver the dvd to me.That’s when he told me he want to have a relationship with me.”She answering my question.
“That’s..good.”I said
She smile and I can see her in happiness radiant come from her.That’s the aura of falling in love,I think.
“So,why you got fight with Aoi-san?”
“I didn’t.It’s not like we get into relationship or something.”I said calmly,hide my trembling voice.
“But,he love you,right?”
My heart is twitching.Aoi love me?impossible.
“It’s true.Uruha tell me yesterday.Aoi-san is upset since he met you for the last time.Even now,Aoi-san is still upset and sad.The others try to help,but Aoi-san didn’t want to open himself.”
I don’t know what to say.So,I keep silent.
“I don’t believe it either about uruha-san you know?I mean,I just a fan to him,yet,he kind to me.So,I tried not to betray his feelings for me.”
Betray?
“What betray?I don’t get it.It just a one-sided feeling right?he’s a star and I just an ordinary people?!It doesn’t make sense at all!”I don’t realize I increasing my voice.She look surprise now.I feel so awkward.
“I’m sorry.” I said with a low voice.”I better get going now,my class will be start soon.”
“He gave you affection right?”she ask me.
I look at her.She stand up and come closer.”He worrying you.He’s sad because of you.He didn’t do anything wrong.He just let out his feelings.is that wrong?”
“What if I don’t love…”
“But,you do!You accept those feelings and and made him hoping for you!”
I stare at the floor,my hands shaking.
“Tell me you don’t love him that much!I will not bother you again,if you say that.”she said again.
I slowly raise my head,she is true.that’s why it’s hurt.
“It’s too late for that Riku.I already forget him.”I said
She shake her head and hold my shoulder.”No,if you forget him,then you will not respond my words.You will not trembling or hold your cry.instead of that,you will ignorant and walking from here,happily.”she smile.”You just scared.”
Scare?Maybe,after what happen when I’m on highschool,I afraid.I afraid to respond to people’s feeling for me.I don’t want that to happen again.I don’t want being hurt again like that.
“If you want to meet him,I will go with you.”She said again.
I want to be brave.The last time I don’t have those courage,I bury it in my heart and let it rotten my heart too.I was wrong.i want to fixed it.But I was too late for that. “I want to meet him.”I said.
We skip classes and ride shinkansen.All the way to the office, I thinking how he will react.Maybe he will angry.But that’s okay.I just want to tell him something.
After five minutes,we get in the office,luckly,the members are all here now.Kai is the one who welcoming us.Even though I already made them difficult,they keep welcoming me.How nice.I think it’s okay if I get explode again.I will accept it,wholeheartly.
Aoi is smoking when we come.He’s losing so much weight.But,I don’t dare see in his eyes.Suddenly he stand up and go to the room.I know he will do this.I ignore his phone call,returning his coat,refuse to meet him.i ignore him completely.
Kai is reach him and talk to him in Japanese.Even I don’t understand the languange,but I know their debating.Aoi is raise his hands and slam the door and lock it.
“I’m sorry.He didn’t want to listen to me.”said Kai.
I smile.”I will talk to him.Even if he didn’t want to see me,it’s okay.Thank you for taking us here.That’s kind of you.”
I walk to the door and sit in the front of it.I don’t know if he know I’m here or listen to me.But any way,I will just talk to him.I pull out my camera and put it in the front of the door.I lean at the door,and take a deep breath.
“I’m sorry.”I said “I act like a child and didn’t consider your feelings.i offense you,and if you angry,I accept it.”
No response.I continue again.
“When we went to the park,you asked me about the picture in my camera and I almost cry.That picture was taken when I want to confessed to my crush 2 years ago.”I said, “When the moment is perfect,suddenly,my best friend came and tell me that their dating.I was shocked that day,but I let him go without saying anything.I avoided him for the rest of the semester.And I left him without saying anything too.Since that day,I keep regretting what happen.I thought If I have a courage to say it sooner,things maybe change.”
My voice is more clear now.I take another deep breath.”It made me became someone who despise myself.Because I can’t reach his heart,I think no one will love me.I’m pathetic.I only can hoping.”
“That’s when you came into my life.You care about me despite I just an ordinary girl that doesn’t have any speciality.I don’t beautiful,but you smiling at me.I don’t kind,but you care for me.It really mean a lot to me.”
I start to cry.”But I’m scared.i scared that if I take you too seriously.That moment will happen again.I don’t know what to do if that happen to me again.So I run.I run without considering your feeling.I avoiding you and made you sad.”
This is the end,So I smile and make my voice better. “But now,I said it to you.I’m sorry..and I love you.Not because you’re the gazette’s guitarist.But because you care with me and consider my feeling.Whatever your decision,I respect it.Thank you.”
I rise up and bow to Kai,and I go home.
***

I turn on my laptop and check my email.The email from my friends is still there.I reply it,explaining my feelings when I have a crush on him,and hoping that he happy with his girlfriend.
I lay in my bed and see my hanger is empty.Used to be his coat there.But it’s empty now,I look at the ceiling.Cover my face,I cry again.
***


Suddenly,I hear a voice from outside.A guitar.I open my window and see him standing in there holding a guitar,Playing D.L.N for me.I cober my mouth and go downstairs.He come here!I can’t believe it.
He smiling at me,smile that I miss so much I don’t realize it.
“Why you’re here?I already returning the coat.”I said
“ I left something in here.”he said.
I come closer to him. “What?”I ask.
He didn’t answer and kiss my cheek and hug me.I put my face in his chest and I can smell his perfume again.I miss it so much,my tears start to flowing.i put my hands in his waist.He is so warm.I just want to enjoy this moment.
“I left my heart here.In you.”he whispering in my ear.
I smile,smile so happily.Now,I believe it.”Do you want to take it back?”I ask.
He kiss my crown of the head.I can feel his lips in my hair.
“Keep it.So I have a reason to come here.”
I giggling.”Ashita anata no kimochi ga hanarete mo,kitto kawarazu ai shiteru.”I said with my bad Japanese.
He stare at my eyes.” Dou ka boku dake wo mitsumeteite.”He caress my cheek and kiss my lips gently.
I hug him again.I can stand here forever with him.Even when he don’t with me all the time.He’s action is more that a word could describe.
He caress me again and kiss me again.
***

“So,you already made up with Aoi-san right?”Ask Riku.
I startle and blushing.”where’d you here that?”
“I following you.With Uruha and Leda-san.”
“Leda?”I ask
She smile.”Leda from Deluhi.”
No way.She’s with Leda from Deluhi.What a lucky girl.But I lucky too,I smile.
My phone is ringing,a text message.
“Where you go after here?Aiko want to meet on the cat café.Wanna come?”She said.
I smile,”Nope.have to go somewhere.”
“Aoi-san right?they will go to german tommorow.”
I nod “you didn’t go to uruha-san?”I ask.
She smile devilishly, “Last night.In his apartment.”she said.
What?!
“tee-hee.I better go now..Everyone waiting.Bye~”She said.
Can’t believe it.
***

We meet at the park we used to be.He sit in the bench with coffee in his usual position.When he turn around and see me,he rise up and hold my hand lead to me to the bench.We sit there.
“How long you will be in germany?”I ask.
He sip his coffee.”I don’t know.two weeks,maybe a month.”He look me “Are you worry?”
I lift my eyebrows “ I worry you will force yourself.”I said,put my hands in his cheeks.
He kiss my hand.”I will call you.I promise.”
“If you tired,please just rest.I believe in you.”I said.
He smile and lean his head in my shoulder.”Thank you.”
I put my head on his too.He hold my hand and kiss my cheek.”Ai shitte iru.”
We may be parting road for now,but I know he will come to me someday.I’m not worried or scared.I believe in him.
There’s couple that put the radio near us.it play “wakaremichi”.
He smile,and I kiss his forehead.
This is our happiness.

another..

Oba-chan is asleep when I got home,Aiko help me change my clothes and wash my shirt.And then she return to her room.Tomorrow I have an exam in the morning,I try to study a little,But my head begin to feel sore and I’m dizzy.So,I lay on the bed and hoping for the best tomorrow.I try to sleep,but my head is killing me.I will buy the medicine tomorrow,So I guess I have to bear it for this night.I replay the incident in the live today,I really,really glad that I save Ruki.if only I late for a second there,Maybe Ruki will feel this pain.Well,at least he’s okay.
Suddenly my phone ring.I look at the LCD,I don’t know this number.Anyway,I press the green button.
“Moshi-moshi?”
“Ah,hello?”
No way.I look at the number again.I didn’t know the number,but the voice is like Aoi’s.what if I get punk’ed?or a wrong person?What to do?
“Who is it?”I ask,What if my expectation is wrong.
“It’s the gazette guitarist speaking.”
I don’t have a genie,But all my dreams be so real?
“Hello?you still there?”He ask again.
“Ah,gomen.yes,I’m here.”
“So,how are you?How’s your head?”
He pay attention to me.How sweet.”I’m okay.though it sometimes hurt me.But I’m okay.it’s not I faint or anything.Are you got home safely?”
“Your head still hurt?I’m already at home,And I call you right?So,yes I’m safe.everyone in my home right now,and Ruki is asking your condition.”
“It’s good you got home safely.”I said,”Tell Ruki I’m okay.And nothing to worry about.”
“Actually the doctor told me you may have a brain concussion.So,someone should wake you up every two hours.I asked Aiko to do that.But I think i do it for you while I can.Sorry I disturb you.”
Brain concussion?but,isn’t that dangerous?If I get a brain concussion,I have to go to the hospital.
“No,I actually not sleep yet.I just finished studying for tomorrow exam.”I sit in the bedside.I can’t sleep anymore.I mean,Hello,There’a a phone call from my favorite artist in the world and he worrying about me.Yeah,sure.I can sleep.
It’s sarcastic,okay?
“You still have to go to campus tomorrow?”He ask.
“Well,I just have an exam tomorrow,and I will buy my medicine too.”
“Why you tell Aiko to buy you the medicine?”
“Uh,because I’m still can walk and I’m not a baby.”
He laugh a little,what a nice voice.”You force yourself,right?”
I frown a little.”No,I can take care of myself.”
I don’t hear anything for a moment.is he angry?why?
“you’re strong.”he said.
“Thank you.”I smile a little.
I feel my heart Is racing again.And I bite my lip.”so,how you get my number?”I ask.Even though I know the answer.
“I asked Aiko earlier.You don’t mind,right?”
Definetly not.”No,I don’t mind.”
“Great.Oh look.I gotta go now.It’s a little cold now,and..Everyone is calling for me.”
“Eh,you’re outside?”
“I smoking outside.And I don’t want anyone disturb me while I talking to you.So,good night and sleep well.”
I’m flying.”Yes,you too.Please have a good rest.”I said,”oyasuminasai.”
“Oyasuminasai.”And he hang up.
***

It’s already a half hour since Aoi called me,and my heart is still racing.I can’t sleep.Slowly,I take his coat that he lent me,his scent is still there.I still can smell his perfume.Bvlgari.
***


I’ve only sleep for a few hours,and it’s already five.The exam will start at seven.So I decide to go to the pharmacy first.I can’t go downstairs yet,Because auntie is wake up.I will leave early when auntie is go to the market.I hope I can deceive her and hide this wound.
I use this plenty of time to study a bit.And at six,when oba-chan is already go to the market,I go downstairs.when I want to have a drink,I see a box in the table with my name on it.it’s a bentou.i smile a little,and put the bentou in my bag.And I write something in the back of the paper.
“Arigatou.daisuki ga,Oba-chan”
***

The exam is already finished.And I think I’m gonna make it.The thing is,when I want to go to the pharmacy,it still close.So,I’m doing my exam with my head killing me.Well,let’s just hope for the best.
Aiko still have two class,so I go home with Cred.But Cred need to go to the library for his research.He have to repeat his paper for Suzuki-sensei.I’m feel sorry for him.But he did deserve it.So,I walk home alone.
I buy my medicine in the nearest pharmacy,and drink it straight,cause my headache is start to killing me again.And I stop by at the bookshop to buy some postcard and books.I will send a postcard to my mom this evening.
I’ll go straight to home,And find Oba-chan is making a stew.luckily,the weather outside is really cold,so I wear my hoodies.She didn’t see my bandage and tell me to wait for the dinner.I quickly run to my room and change my clothes and my bandage.The doctor said that I have to wear it for five days and I have to change it every other day.The pain is gradually disappear.And I feel better.
After doing my assignment,I go to the post office and send my mom a postcard.My mom didn’t like me to send her email,because she thinks I’m too lazy to send her a letter.
I don’t know what to write in letter,So I just send her a postcard.I hope she didn’t mad at me.When I want to walk home,I see a man staring at me.He wear a hat and a black long sleeves shirt.When I walk,He follow me to.And when I stop,He stop too.I look back and He is surprise and hide.
What this man want actually?
I run as fast as I could,and he follow me too.Darn it!What is he looking for!He keep chasing me,and I turn left at the interception.Andi keep running.I look back and he keep chasing me,But looks like he want to catch me.
Suddenly,a black car is stop in front of me.This is the end!Shit!
But,the driver roll down the window.”Get in!quick!”I hear Aoi voice.Without any second thought,I quickly hop in the front seat and close the door.Aoi is press the gas pedal quickly and leave the man.I look back and see the man is stop and run at the opposite direction.I relieve,at least he doesn’t call any backup or anything.
“Wear your safetybelt.”he command me in vicious tone.I startled and wear my safetbelt in silent.Am I make him angry?why?should I say something right now?what did I do wrong?
He sighing and see me.He frown his forehead a little. “What happen?”
“I’m sorry.”I said,I didn’t have the courage to look at him.
“why you say sorry?”He ask.
Eh,didn’t he just mad at me?”I thought you’re angry.”I said with a small voice.He just used a vicious tone at me.
“Oh,I’m so sorry.I didn’t realized it.I don’t mad at you,really.It’s just that man made me angry.”he said with a smile.
Thank god.”I see.Thank you for saving me.I’m not sure if I can handle him alone.”
“Eh,you wanna fight him?”now,it’s his turn to startled.
“I can fight.Back then when I was highcshool,I’m in karate club.”I said proudly.
He laugh hard.And I found myself really embarrassing.I stare at the window.Okay,I should stop saying things.
“You’re unpredictable.”he said
What the..?When I turn my head to him,He smiling at me,And I forget what I want to say.His smile is melting my heart but in the same time,my heart is racing and my stomach feels so weird.I remind myself to breath.
“How do you found me?”I ask.
He concentrate at the road.”I was in studio with other.But I decide I want to take a break a moment and grab some coffe while seeking inspiration.I just give Reita and Ruki a lift at the restaurant.And I saw you,and that man.”
“Who’s that man,for real?Why he chased me earlier?”
Aoi take a deep breath “You don’t read the news?There’s so much abduction cases now,most of their victim is girls.”
“Eh,I can’t read kanji.”I said.
“I know.you should really be careful now.”
“I will.”
We stay silent for a minute,I wonder where he take me.
“You don’t mind for sime detour right?do you want to go to the park?”
“Of course,I will text Aiko I’ll be going somewhere else.”.I reach my cellphone and text Aiko quickly.
After five minutes,we arrive in the park.There’s a lot of tree and peoples that take their dog for a walk.I’ts work day,so not many people in here.
“Wow,it’s really beautiful.”I said.There’s many object for a photo here.And the weather is so nice.I find myself take a breath slowly.The air is so nice.
Aoi come back with two cup of coffe.And he give one to me.
“I’ts still hot.Be careful.”
“Arigatou gozaimasu.”
Aoi smile and we sit in the bench near the tree.My heart begin to racing again.I mean,It just like a date right?
I get rid of that thought at once.
“It’s so calm here.I like it.”He lean his shoulder to the bench and sip his coffee a little.I stare at him a bit.,and drink my coffee too.”Even though is a little cold,huh?”
“Yeah,but it compatible with the scenery here.”I reply
I nod my head.And look the scenery
“But,you don’t scared being spot by your fans?”I ask.
“No,actually they rather didn’t believe it.And the peoples here are only elders and child.So,I don’t think I will get caught.”
He got the point.I finish my coffee and put the glass in the trash bin.I suddenly realize I have my camera.I always bring my camera everywhere,in case something interesting happen.I think I will take some picture.
“Is it okay for me to take a picture?Are you in hurry?”I ask.
Aoi shake his head,and continue leaning his shoulder.”Go ahead.”
“Thank you.”
I take a lot of picture,because there’s so much object here.I happy in here,I even didn’t know there’s such a place in here.
I walk back at the bench,and he already finish his coffee.
“Got any good picture?”He ask.
“A lot.This is such a nice place.”I said.
“Can I take a look?”
I give my camera to him.I sit beside him,but my eyes is looking at the scenery.The wind blow a bit,I tighten my jacket.
“When this picture taken?”He ask.
I look at the camera.The monitor show me a sunset picture in the building.I remember it clearly.It was the photo when I confessed to my crush two years ago.
“Umm..it’s..ehh…I took it when I at highschool.”I fail hiding my trembling voice.My eyes is suddenly spread with tears,I quickly hiding it with sighing.I look at the other way,trying to hide my feelings.I won’t cry.
Aoi is staring at me,and I quickly stand up and pretend to rub my eyes.
“I got something in my eyes.”I said to him.
He didn’t say anything.He must be saw my expression earlier.Instead asking it,he smile and give me the camera again.
“I’ll drive you home.”He said.
We spend the time in the car with sing.He play the gazette songs,and when “Doko darake no seishun”play,We sing and laugh at the same time.
The sun is almost set when I get home.He send me to front of the home.
“Thank you for accompany me.”He said.
“Thank you for saving and accompany me too.”I reply.
He smiling like he usually do and didn’t say anything.I remember this is the same place when he kissed my cheek.I’m burning again thinking about it.
“My coat…”
“Ah,yes,I will go get it now.”He hold my hand and turn my shoulder.
“Keep it.”he said “So,I have a reason to come here again.”
Oh god.”What?”I said,But he already go to the car and waving at me.
The butterfly now up on my chest.
***

After dinner,Me and Aiko do our assignment together.And we got news that Oba-chan will go to Nagoya for two days.Because Oji-san got sick and she really worry.
“We’ll be okay.It’s a good neighbourhood and there’s a police patrol every night,Don’t worry Oba-chan.Just be careful and say hello to Oji-san from us.”That’s what Aiko and me tell her.She just smile and give her cellphone number and ask us to call if anything happen.We see her off today.
“What will we eat tonight?”Aiko said.
“No idea.Let’s just eat some fast food,okay?”.She nod and we go to a fast food restaurant.We get home by nine.Aiko straightly go to her room,She had a morning class tomorrow.I do the dishes and prepare a sandwich for her for breakfast tomorrow.I study a bit and reply Tommy’s message in my cellphone.I still keep Aoi’s number in my incoming calls.He didn’t call me,I know he’s been so busy for the tour.I just hope he didn’t fall sick or whatever.I hope he’s fine.I continue my study and go sleep,hoping tomorrow will be better.
***

“My brother ask us if we want to watch the premiere of the video of the gazette’s live this afternoon.Wanna come?”Aiko asked me one day.Oji-san is healthy and be given a day off for a week.He stay with us and look more happy.When he got home,he’s so pale.So his boss gave him a day off.But now,he’s healthy again.
“Of course.i don’t have class now.”I reply.
“Good,I call Riku right now.”she smile.
So,the movie is already finish huh?it’s been two week since the explosion.my wound are already healed.Just some white scar left,I can cover it with bangs.
Aiko call Riku and we will meet in front of station.I kill the time with helping oba-chan make a porridge for oji-san.Cassey,oba-chan’s daughter,is call her when we want to go.She just nod and waving at us when we leave home.I wear my long slevees shirt that Aiko gave me,and a grey jacket and jeans.We meet Riku and quickly get to the train.
“Oh,you’re here.”Tahiko wait for us in the front of the building.He wear a red shirt and blue jeans.
“I thought we were going to the cinema.”said Aiko.
Tahiko roll his eyes.”We can’t rent a cinema for just a couple of people.”
He got the point.We follow him to the cinema room,the staff are already gather there.they sit in the chair that randomly ordered.
“Hei,they’re come.”said a staff
We greeting and bow to them.we sit in the chair and chat with them.
“How’re your wound?”ask the manager.
“I’m fine.it’s completely healed.”I reply.
“That’s why you have a bangs now,eh?well,it suits you.”the manager smile and I thank him.I keep talking to the manager and see the staff working.
The member is coming soonafter.They greeting and bow too.
“How’s your school?”Aoi ask me.
“Great.I already pass the final exam.”
“Dee,how’s your wounds?are you fine?”Ruki said to me,
“It fully healed.Thank you.”I smile.
“Ah,that’s good.”
Ruki go to the snack table and grab a glass of tea.Kai and Reita asking about my school and everything,while Uruha is talking to Riku.Both of them get along so well.
“Shall we play the movie now?”ask the manager.Everyone said yes,and randomly sit.Aoi sit beside me and Reita in front of me.In my left is Aiko and Tahiko and on Aoi’s right is Kai with the manager.
The movie is start,the first part is when the member come and see the stage and everything.Then there’s us walking with manager.The moment when the mic explode is being cut,of course!
We see the member getting their make-up and costume,it’s so funny and interesting,I laugh with everyone.
The concert is so great!Everyone headbanging and having a goodtime.For the last song they play cassis,my favorite song.Everyone was so appreciate it.Ruki sang it with such a deep feeling.Maybe if I watch the concert,I will crying my ass out.He sang beautifully.
The movie is playing for a hour.When the movie finish,everyone clap their hand.
“What do you think?”ask the manager.Everyone said good.I said It’s great.I’ll definitely buy it when it come out!
“Let’s go somewhere else.”Aoi whisper in my ear.I follow him.First we get to staff room,Aoi is bring his guitar,and we go to the rooftop.
The wind is so cold,and I’m tremble a bit.Aoi take off his jacket and put it to me.
“You can’t.How about you?”I said
“I’m wearing long sleeves.Don’t worry.”he said.
I smile a bit.”Thank you.”I follow him and sit in side of the fence.We stay silent while Aoi is tunning his guitar.
“You’re almost crying earlier right?”He said.
“Eh?”
He smile a bit and turn his body to me.”When Ruki sang cassis.You almost cried right?let me presume that you cry because you couldn’t see the live.”He smile.
I bow my head a bit.He know it.”Yeah.”
“I may not have a good voice like Ruki,but.i think I can sing cassis for you.”
“I’ll listen to it.”I smile.
He smile too,and begin to play it with only with his voice and guitarBut,.i know he sing it from his deepest heart.He such an amazing musician.


Aa, zutto kurikaeshiteta
Zutto kanashimasete bakari datta
Aa, kitto anata sae mo kizu tsukete
Boku wa ugokeno mama

Aa, anata ni fureru koto ga
Naze konna ni kurushii no desu ka?
Kitto onaji koto wo kurikaeshite
Anata wo ushinatte shimau no ga kowakatta kara
Yori suo koto de nuguou to shita wasure kirenakatta hi wo
Anata wa nani mo kikazu ni kono te wo nigettekureta ne
Ashita anata no kimochi ga hanarete mo kitto kawarazu ai shiteru.
Ashita anata ni boku ga mienakute mo kitto kawarazu ai shiteru

When he finish with the song,I instantly clap,I almost crying.I only can hear his voice and his guitar,No bass,No drum.But it make the song more beautiful,because he really sing it with a passion.
“How was my first solo concert?”
“If I have a flower,I will give it to you.”I said.”Sorry,but I can just clap and give you a standing ovation for now.”I bow and he reply too.
We giggle a bit.I notice Aoi is trembling too,So I reach his hand and put in his coat’s pocket that I wear.
I know this is crazy,and I suddenly feel so embarasse,Aoi must be mad or anything.When I turn around my head,I see him blush.
Blush?No way?
“I’m sorry.”I said.
Aoi is stare me and quickly put his hand in the pocket again.Since my hand is there too,He hold it.Now it’s my turn to blushing.
“I’m sorry I don’t call you often.”he said
“It’s okay,really.I know your busy and I know you didn’t have much spare time.I just want you to keep your health good.”I said.
He stare at me and come closer.Then he kiss my cheek again.Suddenly I’m not feeling so cold anymore.Oh god!
“That’s really kind of you.”He said
“Thanks.”
We stay silent for a while and he ask if we can go inside now.I follow him inside.
“Don’t tell anyone about that okay?I will be very embarrassed.”He said.
“Okay.”
We eat and laughing all night.Aoi give me and Aiko a drive and Riku will go home with Uruha.When Aiko is already inside,Aoi say goodnight and kiss my forehead.
“Good night.”he said.
“Ride safely now.”
Aoi is waving and smiling.I still standing there even when he gone.I almost cry in front of him.it’s so embarrassing.
Aoi is so nice,and the other members too.They all kind and funny.I’m glad I can met them in personal.They’re my biggest idol in my live.

***

I’m attending class when Aiko is texting me.She invite me to join her.We will get the copies of the tour dvd.They give us for free!Bless them.
We ride shinkanshen and arrive at the office.
“Wait here,while I get the dvd.”Said Tahiko
“um,where’s the toilet?”I ask
“Oh,it’s just at the end of the hall.”
I go to the toilet and I hear a staffs talking about something.I’m not eavesdrop,they just not careful when they gossiping.
“I swear,I see Aoi-san and that girl went to the rooftop.”
“Eh,what were they doing?”
“beats me.”
Eh,they talking about me?
“Aoi-san is too nice to her.She’s just a fan right?”
“Well,all artist is being nice to their fans right?So that girl is so fool if she think she special.Aoi-san is always nice for everyone.He is a star right?”
“Right.”
My heart suddenly beating slowly,I don’t have anything to say.My head is empty.I confront with the truth now.But,why it crumbling me?
After that,I slowly return to the room and Aiko say that she already get dvd.I ask her home straight away.when I hear the voice behind me.
“Dee!”
It’s Aoi.I don’t know what to do,or what to say,or what face should I put on.
“Yahiko told me you’re here.Wanna stop by first?”he ask me.
It’s weird,but I nod my head.
We get to the car and I only respond his words a little.That conversation still hanging in my head.
He take me to his apartment.He say,he only want to grab a camera and a guitar.but he soon notice my face.
“Something wrong?”he ask
“No,really.”I reply.But my heart is aching.I feel I want to cry,I can’t.
He stare me,and he getting closer and he kiss my cheek and my eyes.He hug me now,it normally burn me.But I feel cold now.
“Are you always like this to everyone?”I ask,my voice trembling and my eyes is watery.
He look at me with a look of asking.”What?What happen?Why are you crying?”
“I’m sorry.I know it’s not my place.I only a fan of you,and you’re a star.You always kind to everyone else right?I was so stupid to thinking that I was special to you…”I can’t control my voice again.My throat is hurt.My heart is aching.
“What are you…”
“No,i….sorry.I just hoping too much from you.Ahahha…I’m such a foolish girl.”I said.I can’t take it anymore,I crying like a baby,my tears is flow out like a fountain,I cry in front of someone else.
I can’t take it anymore!I grab my bag and run like an idiot.He just stand there,I guess I trouble him again.
***

I got home successfully without everyone noticing.I enter my room and sit in the bed side.His coat os still hanging,I fold it and I put in the bag.I will take it to Tahiko and ask him to return it to Aoi.
I start to crying again,and my tears spill in the coat.I cover my face with my hands.it feels so hurt,it feels so empty.i only can cry,and cry.I have to forget everything about him.Every moment I spent with him.Everything.

His scent still lingering in my room when I fall asleep with my tears.Bvlgari.I dream he playing his guitar,and smile at me,like in the rooftop a couple week ago.
I faintly hear the song.
Cassis.

part 2..it's getting better..:)

I see a light,a very bright white light.it feels like you’ve directly being spot with a big white lamp.and my eyes is hurt,it so hurt.and then I hear a big sound,like bomb or something.oh my god!
“hey,sleepyhead!”Aiko yell at my ear.
I suddenly wake up,and my ipod is fall from the bed.oh,no!if it’s broken,I will yell at Aiko at once.
“no way!are you sleeping with your ipod on?it will make you headache,silly”
I glare at Aiko.I checked at my ipod,fuih,I guess it’s okay.Just a little scratch on the back.I so relieved.
“what was that for?!can you wake me up more…normally?”
“darling,take it easy.oji-san is coming home.let’s have a dinner.”
“e?what time is it?”
“huh?seven,dear?”
“no way..”
I wait for Aiko to change her clothes,and my feet nudge something on the floor.It’s a lot of shopping bag. 4..maybe 5,on it.
“whoa,big spender!”I said automaticly.where she get those money?
Aiko smile knowingly.”Nani?aahh..those..yeah.i’ll explain it later.”
“ don’t tell me..you..had a date with…”I make a gesture in each side of my head.Aiko just staring at me,and he slap my head.
“ittai!!what?”I ask while rub my head.
“hey,it’s oba-chan’s!mine was two bags.you had those look on me?I can’t believe it.”reply Aiko.
well,I just curious.
“yeah,yeah.i believe.”
We go downstairs and had a dinner.oji-san come home twice a week because of his work,so oba-san cook his favorite meal.Aiko and I smile,and eat as much as we can.no,well..not me.i don’t like veggies.
“how’s your school?your mom phone me yesterday,she asking about you,Dee.”said oji-san while drinking a beer.
“ah,I will call her again tomorrow morning.i just reply my brother’s email.he will read it.”
“ah,nice.”
“ne,oji-san.you will leave to Kyoto tomorrow?”Aiko ask
“hai.just three days,and I have a week day off.we can go on vacation if you like.we have a tourist here.she always go to shibuya,I think she will get sick of it.”said uncle laughing,well,they are laughing.
“rigghhhttt….”
“but we can’t!it’s already august and we want to see some live.right?”Aiko wink at me.
“oh yeah!!the gazette’s!how can I forget about that?”I tap at my forehead.How can I forget about that?!Can’t believe it.
“oh,you must be very happy right?”said oji-san.
“well,let’s see.my happiness is at number fifteen out of ten.so I guess,yes.”
“hahaha..that’s good.have fun okay!”
“uh-huh.gouchosisama.”
I go upstairs and do my assignment,not to long,Aiko enter my room bring something.
“so,let me presume.you don’t have any clothes to be wear at the concert right?because I only see you wear the same shirt when you go to the campus with the shirt when we do our last research,which is a week ago.”
Genius,isn’t she? “and..?”
“and..i will give some shirt that I bought today.you can choose it.”she said with a smile.
I glomp at her,and kiss her cheek.she is very kind,right? “daisuki ga!!”
“okay,okay stop it already.you ruining my hair!”
I look at her with full of grateful eyes.she smile.
“hmm..can I have two?”I bargain.
“ONE.”
Oh,this is disappointing.”okay..”
But,everything look so good,it’s hard to choose.”I want this.”I pointing at a long sleeves shirt with a black pattern on it.i like long sleeves,whether in hot or cold days.
“fine,take it.”she said
“arigatou,Aiko-chan.you’re very kind.”
Aiko grin”really?”
Uh,I think this is..”what do you want in return?”I said.
Aiko smile now.see,I know there’s always be a catch!oh well..
“help me with my assignment!”she said.”I have to give it tomorrow,first thing in the morning.please help me,ONEGAI..!!”she beg me to.
I sigh “okay,bring your paper here.i’ll help you.”
“arigatou..”she said.
Well,at least she take me to the gazette’s live.and anyway,it doesn’t even hurt with another assignment right?
***


oh my,it’s already five in the morning!and I haven’t finished my assignment yet!Aiko’s already finished,and she sleeping safe and sound in her room.
I am so gonna die..
***

I wake up at 7 in the morning,so unusual.because,well..today is the day!the gazette’s concert!
I change my clothes and go down stairs to help auntie make a breakfast and bentou for oji-san.
Oji-san will leave to Nagoya this morning.and this afternoon Aiko’s mom will come to the house,so when we go to the concert we,auntie will be accompany.i worried auntie will alone at home.
“ohayou,Dee.ready for the concert?”ask oba-chan while cooking.i notice a smell of scramble egg and tea in the air.i
“ohayou,oba-chan.well,sure!I’m so energetic!”I said.
I walk to the sink and wash my hands,and I help oba-san make a breakfast.and then I go to aiko’s room to call her for meal.
“Aikoooo..breakfast!”I call her in front of her door.
“I change my clothes right now.”she reply.
I walk downstairs and sit in the chair.later,Aiko help oba-chan with the dishes and I clean my room.we don’t have lesson today,so we will be meet with our friends at the same café and go to the concert together.
I have a plenty time now,I reply my brother’s email and call my mom.i also do half of my assignment and help oba-chan with the grocery.and I watering the flowers in the yard.
“hey,Tommy just call.she said she will be earlier to the café,you want to go there now?”Aiko ask
“but,your mom is not coming yet.oba-chan will be alone.”
Oba-chan is smiling knowingly “daijoubu.she will come In short time.you just go and don’t forget about the camera.”
“well,okay.i’m sorry I have to leave so early.”
“it’s okay,change your clothes now.Aiko,you too.”she smile.
I go upstairs with Aiko and change my clothes,I also pack my camera,ipod and my handphone,along with wallet and my organizer book.ticket,check.camera,check.
I wear my new shirt and a jeans,I also wear a jersey because it’s so windy today.i get out of my room with a bag.
“what should I wear?a high heel shoes or a flat shoes?”Aiko ask me.
I turn my head on her and found her in a white tank top and skirt.she carry a blue handbag.she wearing a pink coat.Are we want to go to the party?
“well?”
“where do you want to go?”I ask her.
Aiko lift up her right eyebrow”eh,the gazette’s live?”
“yeah,but…it’s look like you want to go to…club.I mean,what’s up with the mini skirts,and what’s up with the tanktop,and hell.what’s with the heels or the flat?”
“Don’t worry!we will definetly go to the gazette’s concert!”
Hmm,I think there’s a catch. “I suggest you wear a flat shoes.it more comfortable than heels.”see,you will be headbanging.And you can head banging with high heels!
“You’re right.”she said.Aiko go to her room again and return with a pair of blue flat shoes.
“Hey,Ai,you have to stay by my side okay.i don’t want to be separate.”
“eh?why?”she ask
“what if I meet with one of the members?And I can’t talk to them?!you want me to standing like an idiot,talking to them with my bad Japanese?”
“Oh,then you have to talk to Reita then.”
I glare at her.”I want Aoi.”I said clearly.”And kai,and Uruha...”
“ok,ok.Don’t worry.I’ll be with you.”she said “let’s go.”
I tie my left shoelaces and stand up “come on.”
Oba-chan come from the kitchen and look at both of us.”Everything ready?how about the tickets?your wallet?Good.have fun and be safe,okay?”

***

“So,the plan is to quickly to go there and find the most front place,so we can see their faces.Understand?”Tommy is so fired up.She didn’t realize that the seat was numbered.
“It’s numbered Tommy,you can go claiming other’s seat when it’s not your number.Jeez.”Cred explaining and rolling his eyes.
“Eh,where’s Chisato?”Ask Tommy.”She should here any minute right?”Tommy make a call to her.
“eh?I hear she will pick up some friend.we will be going together.”said Ryu.
“ah,really?”Aiko ask
five minutes later,Chisato come with a girl.Chisato introduce her to us.
“Hello,my name is Oda Riku.But call me Riku,okay?Dozo yoroshiku.”
Thank god,she can speak English.
After that,we quickly catch a shinkanshen and go to the concert.At the front of the live house,We buy some drink and wait for the entrance to be open.
“Hey Dee,let’s go to the bathroom.”Ask Aiko suddenly.”anyone want to come?”she ask.
“ah,I’ll come too.”said Riku.
“we’ll waiting here,okay?”Said Chisato.
We go to the direction of bathroom,but then Aiko suddenly hold my and riku’s hand.
“We’ll not going that way.”she said.And she bring us to the opposite direction from the bathroom.She tell us to walk quickly,and I swear I see briefly a writing in the wall “backstage”.
Wait,we’re going backstage?isn’t it illegal?
“Ai,we’re not supposed to be in here!”I said.”If we get caught,we will not see the concert.”
“ah,don’t worry,Just a moment,okay?”
Aiko calling someone with her phone,and talking fast in japanese.I heard Riku gasping.what happen?
“Look,Ai.I know you’re crazy,but,don’t at a time like this,please?”I beg her.
“no..no,Just wait.”she said.
“Aiko,please….”
“onii-chan!”
Huh?onii-chan?brother?
“Ah,Aiko.you’re on time.you bring your friends too?Nice.”
“This is my brother,Sumiregawa Tahiko.he’s a staff in here.and they allow me to take some of the gazette’s fans in here.”
“We want to make a better video.So I suggest the manager to take some fans to the video.of course,not some random fans.we need someone who can control their emotion if they meet the member.”Aiko’s brother have a funny accent,but that’s not my concern now,meet with the gazette?!how the hell I suppose to do that!
“Well,let’s go.I want to see the stage.”Aiko said
“eh,chotto.what about everyone?they will be worried.”
“ah,I already sent them a message,saying ‘we will go to convenient store first.Dee is buying some medicine for her maag’”
Oh my.Anyway,we walking together and I see the stage,it’s huge!And the staff is preparing everything.The equipment,the lightning,everything.But I don’t see the members.Oh.
The video is documenting everything,I promise I will buy the dvd!But,Aiko and Riku do all the talking,Because they can speak Japanese.I don’t mind at all.i’m amaze with the work of the staff,Even though they tired,They keep doing their job,to make this concert wonderful.I admire and jealous with them.
“So this is where Ruki will come and sing.although,We have a little problem.”said Tahiko.
“problem?”I ask.Well,everything look so fine here.
“yeah,the microphone is.it fell once.I really worry about it.”
“Why just exchange it with the good one?”
“It was the best.tomorrow we will have the good ones.but today we must use this crefully.”
“I see.”
Then we walked to the staff room.The staff look so welcoming to us,and they show us how everything work.And this time the manager come with us.
“Ah,look .they are here.”said the manager.
Oh my god!it’s them..the gazette.They are so cool!I can’t believe I actually see them in person.My eyes is encounter a man with a highlight blonde hair,He’s smoking and wear a black clothes.Impossible.Aoi is here.
“Aiko,pinch me.”
She pinch me for real.In hand.
“aww..that’s hurt!”
“it’s reality.”she reply.
“ladies,the gazette.”said the manager
Impossible,I’m not the person who will going jumping here and there when I meet someone.But still,There’s a butterfly in my stomach.And I feel my heart is burn.
They introduce themselves.And,I swear I see kai smiling at us.okay,heart,calm down a bit,wouldn’t ya?
The member is talking at Aiko and Ruki in Japanese.And,of course I can follow them,I see Aoi is making a joke,and they laugh out loud.I see Riku is talking at uruha,and he smile at her.
“Hey,Dee.you not talk to them.”ask Tahiko.
Great they all staring at me.Now,where’s my Japanese that I trained for 3 months go?
“I..uh,my Japanese is bad.Sorry.”I bow
“she said that her Japanese Is bad.She is a foreigner and still can’t speak very well.”Aiko smile at me.you’re such an angel,Ai.
“Really?we’re so sorry.” Reita is speaking to me.oh my god.His English is good.
“uh,don’t worry.I will make Aiko tell me.”My heart is begin to race again.Reita is talking to me!I just can’t believe it.
“No,we have to consider you too.You’ve been left out,gomen.”Ruki said with his cute voice.And he smile.
“Thank you to consider me.Sorry to make you have to use English.that’s really kind.”Ruki is so nice.
“Actually all of us can speak English well,except Uruha.”said Kai to me.when he smiling I can see his dimple.it’s veryy cutee.
Uruha is smullen but everyone is laughing at him.they are so funny.And there’s not on youtube.Or my laptop screen.They’re real.
“Hey,stop it.You guys make her confuse again with English.”I hear a deep,and familiar voice.It’s Aoi.My heart stop for a moment.He’s here.And he talking to me.Unbelieveable.
“Wanna see us rehearse?”he offer us.And I nod.We follow them to stage.But suddenly a light went off a bit.and then on again.
“I’ll go check it out.”said manager.”Tahiko,go on with the video.”
We at the backstage and I watch them rehearse.We stand at the right side of the stage.Wait?I swear I see a lightning in ruki’s mic.The black out!It causing a shorten electricity.it will explode.I run as fas as I can,And I push Ruki aside and grab the mic,before I can release it ,I see a white light and a big voice.
***

My head is spinning and my ears are hurt,I can hear many voices,but I can’t open my eyes.What happen?
“What happen?”
“It exploded!”
“Is she allright?”
I can only hear the voices,but I don’t know who.I try to put my hand in my forehead,It really painful.I feel something wet and warm in my hand.I try to open my eyes again.The first time is blinding,but I can see peoples surrounding me.And I can see Aoi in front of me,as well as Kai in my side.
“Are you okay?”ask Ruki,And I realize he’s behind me.
“I..don’t…why..”I can finish my sentence,my head is really hurt.
“Don’t talk!you’re bleeding.”said Reita.
Bleed?I look at my hand that touch my forehead,it’s true.there’s a lot of blood coming from my forehead,And it spill on my trouser.i begin to feel dizzy.I blink my eyes.But it still hurt.
“Make a way!it’s the doctor”I hear the manager speak.And then a middle-aged man is in front of me.
“Move her to a quiet place,please.”
I stand,but suddenly gravity push me down,I can’t even stand on my own feet. “She loss much of blood.”the doctor said.And I being helped by another two staff.We walking to the staff room and they help me sit in the chair.
“It’s okay,Ruki.i handle it from here.you go to the concert,we can make the fans wait.”said the manager to Ruki.
“But…”
“I’m okay,really.”I smile at him.I don’t want to make them worry.it just a scratch.
Ruki nod and touch my shoulder a bit.And then get out.The manager is sitting in front of me,as well as the doctor.
“I’m really sorry.I let a fan get hurt.”Said the manager.
“Oh,no.it’s okay.it’s my own fault that I grab the mic instead push the mic.I the one who should say sorry,because everything get chaotic and the concert late.”
“Oh.it’s okay.And,I may be bad for saying this,but,I glad you save Ruki.”he said with a smile.
“It’s what I feel too.I’m glad Ruki is fine.”I smile
The doctor is already clean my wound.Now he will stitch it.
“Want to use some painkiller?”He ask me.
I shake my head.Pain killer will make me tipsy,I got an exam tomorrow.The doctor begin to stitch it.it feel sore a bit.But my head is really hurt now.
“Ano~my head is really hurt.”I said to the doctor.
He get a small flashlight from his medical bag,And turn it on in my eyes.Ugh,my eyes is so hurt,so as my head,so I blink it a bit.
“Hmm..you should drink some medicine,I write the recipe to you.”
The doctor put bandages around my head.And he left with the manager.It’s already 9 Pm.so,the concert must be finish.I feel a little sad because I can’t see them on stage.
The staff is returning to the room,and a woman staff give me a hot chocolate.”The doctor say,we should feed you with something sweet.But we only have this.”she said with a funny accent of English.
“Arigatou gozaimasu.”I said.She smile a bit,And leave the room.I grab my cellphone from my bag,and see there’s two messages.From Chisato and Tommy.I’ll text them later.
Ruki entering the room with Kai,both of them look worry.
“Daijoubu?the doctor said you’re here.”Ask Ruki
“Ah,hai.i’m okay.”I said,and I stand up.But my step is so awkward,So I successfully hit the chair.
“Please sit down.you’re still dizzy right?”Kai help me to sit in the chair.So I sit.
“Thank you for worrying me,And I’m sorry to cause you a trouble.”I bow.
Ruki hold my shoulders and smile.”It’s okay.”he said “I want to thank you too,because saved me.”
I smile and bow again.He really nice.Aoi and Aiko enter the room too,and they both relieved that my wounds is okay.
“Your clothes is full of blood.Oba-chan will be worried.”said Aiko.
I look at my shirt,She’s right.my blood is everywhere around the shirt,I don’t want to make auntie worried.Oji-san is not in home.And my coat is have a blood stain too.
“Here.Wear my coat and this hat.”said Aoi.He put his coat in me,And put his hat in my head.”You need to cover the bandage too.”
My Heart pounding again.oh my!calm down.calm down.
“The doctor give me the recipe,I will buy it tomorrow.”said Aiko.
“No,let me.i’m not a baby.i can buy the medicine on my own.”I smullen a bit.just because I got injured,didn’t mean someone is have to take care of me.
“Whatever.Here is the receipt.”she handed me a piece of paper.
“It’s already 10.you girls should be home now.”Said the manager to us.
I nod,and grab my bag,But Aoi hold my hand and take the bag from my hand.”I give you a lift.”He said.
Oh my!it’s too good to be true.”No,you must be tired and…”
He interrupt me with his hand,and grab a car key from manager.
“Aiko?”I asked
“I take her home too.don’t worry.”said the manager.”okay guys,we pospone the after party for now.I take this girl home.Ruki,Kai and Reita,go home and have a good rest.Uruha?”
“Give the other girl lift too.”said a staff
Wow,that’s fast.
***

We stay silent in the car.Aoi is tell me about the live,but he didn’t talk to much.so do I,well,I’m nervous,for your record.it’s only us in the car.
“we’re here.”he said.Scatter my mind.
“oh,my..Yes..Thank you very much.Sorry to bother you.”I said.but he get off the car and open the door for open,Too sweet.
“Thank you.”I smile a little.”Good night,please have a good rest.”
He suddenly kiss my cheek.and slip my bag to my hand.And he smile,”Good night.Sorry you can’t see us in live.”
I smile,too surprise to draw more act than just smile.”Yes.”
He tighten my coat and go to the car.Leaving me stunning in front of my house,feel so hot and my heart racing.
If I die right now,I don’t wanna.
***


i smile a lot when i finish this!! :))

my first fanfic..:)

soo..i try to make something out of boringness..and yeah,i did!
please be kind to me,this is my first time..


That girl was standing in the front of her class.it’s the end of the semester and she will not see her friends again.this is her last chance to confessing to the man she loved for this 3 years.she was anxious,nervous and happy at the same time.they both had a same hobby,same music and same activities.they both regulary chatted in computer for a long time.and she had this faith that he will accept her confession.
She smile a little,and imagine if they both become a couple.her eyes was sparkling with happiness,while the man was walking towards her.
Suddenly,she feel nervous again.but,is her last chance,there is no turning back right now!
“hey,you still here?how about the photograph?”
“yeah,I think this scenery is good,if we put in the front of our graduation’s book.what do you think?”she asked.
He frowns a little “ah,yes.i agree.gimme the camera.i know the perfect angle.”he run towards the south of the building.she follow him.it’s 5 Pm,and the sun was half setting from the sky.the sky was filled with golden filamen and clouds.
The man took some a picture while the girl was staring at him.
“cool!this is good.this picture is good.”he said.
“I know.you should thank me.”said the girl,smiling.
“oh,thank you.”the man bow to the girl with a joke gesture.the girl giggling and the man started the laughing.
“oh,look at the time.it’s already 6.30 Pm.fuih,time sure goes fast if we spent together.”said the man.
The girl look at him deeply. “I want to say something to you.”she said.
The man look at her “go on.i listen.”
“i..well,actually..”
suddenly,someone come towards them.a girl with long hair.she waving at them.
“hey,you guys are soo late!”said her.
“I’m sorry,lea.”the man reply.
“we have a date you know!”she looked so angry.the man smile at her and touch her hair.
“I’m reallyyy sorry.”
Both of them didn’t realize that their friends was in huge shock.Date?I must be wrong.are those two..dating?,she thought.
“oh,we didn’t tell you?we’re dating now.”said the girl happily.the man look so shy,but happy.
The girl try to smile a little,hiding her feelings.not because she was her best friend,or because the man look so happy.but it automatic happen.
“really?wow.you should tell me sooner lea.”she successfully hide her trembling voice.
“I’m really sorry.”the girl smile.she look so sweet and beautiful compare to her.
“nah,I’ts okay.i know you will too happy to tell me this.beside,I was busy at class organizing for our graduation party,so,it’s fine.”she said clearly,even though her heart were broke.
“oh yeah,what was that?the thing you want to talk to me?”he said.
“oh,that.emm..i was wondering,where do you go after finishing highschool?and don’t forget to bring my comic books.”she said
“oh,yeah.i will go to college,with lea.and your comic books,I will deliver it later to your place.”
“no!you can’t!”she said with a high voice.the man look confuse.but the girl quickly hiding the feeling.”I will go to my relative’s house.so you can deliver it later,when the graduation party start,okay?”
“no problem.”the man smile.smile that always become her dream.not in their hangout photograph,nor in her class’s videotape.but a smile that always warm her day,a smile that he love,a smile that always made her heart racing.someone that she can grab onto.
“hey,you better go now.you two have fun okay?”she waving at them.
Lea hugs her tightly,her perfume was smell good.”don’t forget to call me when you need something.we may be apart,but I’m still your bestfriend right?”
The girl smile and pinch her nose “of course,silly.enjoy this moment with him,he a good man and loyal.”
“I know,honey.i love you and always pray for your happiness.”
The girl shakes the man hand “she’s my best friend.if you hurt her,you deal with me!”she said
“yes maam!”the man gave her a salute.
Both of them waving at her,leaving her,unrecognized,crying alone in her heart.the sun are already setting.so is her love.




2 years later..

“Sure you want to do this honey?actually daddy can still afford your tuition if you want to go to college.”ask Monita.her only daughter,Dee will go to japan tomorrow,she will stay with her aunt and uncle in Tokyo.
“mom,it’s my dream to go to japan.if I can I will go there as soon as I had an opportunity.auntie asked me to stay with her,and she will covering my tuition.isn’t that great?”said Dee.
“I know,dear.i know it’s your dream.and I know it’s your decision.but,we will be lonely without you.”she said while her daughter packing some clothes.
“I will call you as soon as I got there.i promise.”she hug her mom thightly.and she try to hide her tears.
“hemm,uncle called me,and he said he will pick you up from narita airport.you still remember him right?”
she laughing “of course!they just visit us last month remember?”
her mom giggling,and she help her pack the luggage.

***


it’s already 2 Am and she can’t even blink her eyes for a bit.she gets so excited to go to the country that she really dream for.although she feel sad because she will leave her parents and her brother for a while.but,they still can contact them.so, it’s okay.
She rise from her bed and look out through the window,her grey cat was tailing her.
“sebast,I hope you’ll not feeling alone.i will miss you,fatty.”she stroke hos furs a bit.and the try to sleep.
Dee is come out from her room bringing her luggage and a backpack.her family will go see her off at the airport.shetake out her passport and her ticket,she have the noon flight,so there’s still a time to say goodbye to her family.when they arrive at the airport,she turn around and see her family.
“I will call you when I got there,don’t worry!”she said to her parents,she hug his daddy and his mom,and kiss them on the cheek.
“don’t forget to pray,be safe now!”said her mom.
“don’t mind to ask people,even to use English,knowing that your japanese is not very good.”her daddy still hold her hand.
“I will,dad.my phone is always active.”she smiling.
Not so long,the plane will fly in minute.”oh no,I have to go!bye everyone,I love you!”she run through the door and abroad the plane.
She sit in the seat near the window,and start to relax her body.it gonna take 13 hours to japan,so she will make her self comfortable.the plane soon take off,bringing her to her wildest dream to japan.
***

She finally arrive in the Narita airport.after taking her luggage,she walk to the arrival gate and she her uncle waving a big card in her name in it.she waving her hand at her uncle and walk towards him.
“Dee!long time no see!oh,let me take your bags.”said john.
“uncle john.thank you very much!”
“ah,it’s okay.me and my wife happy to have you in home.Cassey was already go to Harvard to do business school,so it’s a little lonely at home,ne.now,let’s go home.yumiko already miss you so much.”john lift some bags and they walk to the car.
“it takes an hour from here to Tokyo.i live in shibuya.which it will take maybe an hour or two,but the traffic not to crowded so,I think we’ll arrive sooner.”
“wow,Tokyo is….wow!!”she said,her eyes looking everything that catches her sight.
“ahaha,welcome to Tokyo,dear.”
After an hour,they arrive at home.it is a two-floor home with a white paint.they walk through the gate.at the entrance door,there is a woman with a long pony tail hair,that’s yumiko.
“tadaima,honey!tadaima,dee!”she said and hugging Dee.”welcome to japan,dear.”
“okaerinasai,oba-san.”she reply.
“look,you already fluent with Japanese,good.”she said while lead them to the dining room while john bring her bags upstairs.
“no way.i only know a little Japanese.i think I have to improve it.”she take off her jacket,it’s fall in japan,so the weather is really windy.
“then I know the teacher!let me introduce you to her! This is sumiregawa aiko,my niece.”the girl that sit in the chair near the window rise.she had a funky colored hair,slim body,and her height is same as dee’s shoulder.she wear a funky shirt and a skirt.she smile a little and bow.
“watashi wa…ano…um..”Aiko grin and she hold her hands.
“don’t worry,I can’t speak English verry well.my dad once live in America.nice to meet you,cause I’ll be your…kinda roommate,I’ll be staying in here too.”she said.
“eh,really?cool!”
“yep..hehehe..let’s be friends!”
it’s been 3 months I live in japan,and guess what?it’s sooo awesome.Tokyo tower!shibuya!and..vending machine!gosh,it really cool in here!
Me and aiko got one class in our university and we always do research together.of course,I make some friends too.not of them are japanesse,like Tommy,she’s from Australia and Cred from Georgia.they are live in japan since little,so they adapt pretty well.unlike me,I often got teased by everyone cause my screwed Japanese.like today.
“nee,it proununce to doomo arigatou.but you talk like you want to chase shinkansen.slow down a bit!”said Tommy after we finished our paper.Chisato and Ryuuki was also here.and they listen to me well,they’re my (another) Japanese teacher.they really a good teacher,if only they stop talking in Japanese while made a comment about me…
“argh,but people do understand right?”I said while drinking my lemon tea.
“no,no!can’t do that.people might get misunderstanding.”aiko take my lemon tea,making me choke.
“huuh,okay,okay.next time I will watch NHK,not anime.”
“hahaha,you sound like a little child!”aiko laughing really hard with Tommy.
The radio is playing a new song.then suddenly aiko scream.
“kyaa,it’s the gazette new song!oh my god,I shoudl preorder it!”
“sugoi!”said Chisato
Aiko is start to sing.”hey,Tom,do you watch their concerts this august?”
“of course!I won’t miss it for anything!”
what!!I stand up to quickly and made some water spill on Tommy trousers.she swearing in Japanese while grabbing a napkins.”what was that for?!”
I don’t believe it!they will watch the gazette live!and they don’t tell me..!how cruel!
“hey,you’re okay?your face is red.”ask Aiko.
“how..i..want..to..okay.whe you guys talking about the gazette live and didn’t tell me?!”I yell.Aiko burst into laughing.no,why she laughing at time like this?
“you know,I just want to tell you..that I have an extra ticket with me and I want to take you.because oba-chan told me the reason you came to japan because you want to meet them.”she pointing me with a concert ticket.
It’s my damn lucky day.
“I’ll go,I’ll definetly go!!oh my god,can you believe that?I actually get a chance to see them in person!ohh!!can you believe that?!”
“yeah,we believe.”everyone raise their hand.and continue their meal.
“finish your food already.and put those ticket,they don’t go anywhere.”Aiko said.
I put the ticket in my organizer book,but then I write it down in the paper so I won’t forget.because, I usually forget something very easily.yeah,that’s me.
Tommy finish her meal first.that gluttonous girl.”where do you go after this?”
“Me and chisato will go to university.Suzuki-sensei want our essay.the deadline is tomorrow but if we give him tomorrow,we only get a B.”said Cred while he lit a ciggarete.”don’t know why but Suzuki-sensei didn’t like me.”
Tommy rolling her eyes.so do i.because we all now why Suzuki-sensei didn’t like Cred.
“it’s because of your absence,dude.”I said.”Suzuzki-sensei didn’t like a student with a abnormal absence,I mean.in a month you only attend class like,15 times?and you still got an A for your paper?he know you’ll get help from Chisa.”
“Hey,it’s not fair really.i mean,I just good with my English and then suddenly I got a Japanese lecture?I confuse you know.you guys didn’t understand my feeling.”
My turn to roll my eyes.”oh yeah,you really bad with Japanese,you can’t even have a date with Japanese girl,and you can’t get to shinkanshen alone.and you even can’t read my Japanese manga,which you still not return it after a week.of course,you can’t speak Japanese.”I said with sarcastic tones.i’m getting better at this.
Aiko laughing and Tommy console Cred with half hearted.Cred sullen and drinking his tea.i smile a little
“oh,Cred.it’s only a joke!for god’s sake,please stop your whining already.”I try to not laugh while saying this.
“yeah,whatever..”he said,and he’s mumubling himself in Russian.
“Dee,I’ll go to shopping district.you wanna come or what?”Aiko asked me.
“eh,iie.i don’t like crowd.i think I’ll go home.i promise to my brother I will send him an email.”
Aiko put some money in the table and stand up”okay,I’ll be going now.sure you don’t want to come?”she said
“na-ah.i don’t like crowd,I said.”
“okay,okay.i bring you something from there,okay?”
“really?something good or something really good?”
Aiko smile devilishly”Surprise,of course.”
Yeah,right.i stand up too and put some money in table.Chisato sum them up and pay it to the cashier.We wear our coat and go outside.
“huaa,I’ts so cold.”I heard Tommy said that.
“well then,I’ll catch you later,’kay?” they waving at me and I put my ipod on,of course my favorite band.the gazette,I pick one song while I walk to home,hole seem to be a good one.

muishiki ni hikarete yuku
utagai wa aibu de kakuseru ?
「Foolish brain」
It knows…
Please freeze my malice.
Rape me in that cold eye and kindness.
saigo no uso sa



oh,god.i’m here in japan..and next month I’ll be going on their live.this is to good to be true.oh yeah,oh yeah.that thought make me happy!but,I really confused what to wear.
“I should go with Aiko to shop.”I murmur.but,my allowance is not enough,maybe I will have the part time job.but,auntie not allow me to.oh,what to do.
It’s not good.this is my first time to meet them in live.and there’s a chance,even little,I can shake hand with them,especially Aoi.oh my god,what if I wear something really terrible.no,no..i can wear my shirts and trouser.after all,it’s just a concert right,I smile.
The song now changing to “without a trace” and I waiting in traffic light.
When it turn into green,I rapidly walking before it turn red again.when I got to shibuya,I stop first to see the people with their costumes in the street.i always amaze by their creatifity and their confidence to show their art.i look all around the street,and it was full with people.i usually hate crowds,but here in shibuya,there’s different from other that I hated.i don’t know why,but in shibuya everything get more and more exciting.it always success to make me surprise and fill with amazeness.so,when I’m alone I always go here and see them.and took some pictures.
After spending ten minutes,I walk home again.now the ipod play “Doko darake no seishun”,it makes me want to dance,really.
I get home not so long,and I meet auntie who do gardening in front of home.
“tadaima,oba-san”I said
“ah,dee..okaeri.can you help me with this?bring this inside okay.”she ask while holding a basket with some vegetable inside.
“sure.”I switch my bag to my left shoulder and bring the basket with my right hand.i let my shoes and wear some slippers and put the basket in the kitchen.and then I go upstairs and turn on my laptop.
I check my email and I found one from my brother,I reply it quickly,and I post some of the photos I took yesterday.one email is come from my friend at highschool.
No way,it’s him!oh noo…
He posted his photo with his girlfriend at the front of the building,and there;s some tagline in it.
“we miss you,come back soon!”

I didn’t reply it.he maybe didn’t know,but I still at my broken hearted state!boys!they even don’t know when a girl love them.
I let my laptop on,and I put my ipod again.it’s now playing my favorite song “cassis”


Ashita anata no kimochi ga hanarete mo kitto kawarazu ai shiteru.
Ashita anata ni boku ga mienakute mo kitto kawarazu ai shiteru
I will walk together, to future not promised to yet
It keeps walking togetherr, to the future which you are...


I know what it means..and I started to cry when I hear it.maybe..deep down I know I still like him.and I still can’t forget about him.even when he didn’t love me.
I don’t know,but I think I fall asleep,and I dream,I meet ruki,kai,uruha,reita and..aoi.

They playing cassis for me.




it's just part 1,fella..^^

confused?yes,of course

heyy...i don'y know what to write about..borriinngg!!

well,actually i do..:)
but,i confuse how to write it..
so,in the end i just posting a meaningless words.
i will get over with this habit.

okay,two words!

THE GAZETTE!

outta here..:)

me,ShiroyamaDee

Too much damage

cause i'm too broken to be fixed..

we are always alone

people often saying to they closest friends or relatives "you're not alone".
well,in my opinion,people always alone..no matter how much they have friends,or how crowded the place they're in.

because,there some problem that only ourself can solve.you can't clinging to others,or hoping someone will help you,you can hope..but it will rarely happen.


what i'm trying to say is..people,eventually always alone,whe you breaking a bond between them.